What you say and what they hear may be two completely different things.
I might say “You’re smart, figure it out.” She hears “Your problem isn’t big enough to warrant my full attention.”
I may state “That’s an ugly outfit.” What he hears is “Your preference doesn’t matter.”
If I shout “Why can’t you just behave?” He hears “You are a problem that I wish wasn’t here right now.”
I might not even say anything. But through my attitudes, actions and priorities as a parent (which, by the way, our kids know what our priorities are) they hear:
“The way I look is more important than what’s in my heart.”
“What other people think of me has more weight than what God thinks of me.”
“My grades in school are a direct reflection of who I am.”
“I am stupid because I am unable to do something that someone else accomplishes with ease.”
“I’m an embarrassment to my mom.”
As a parent, do I put more value on external things instead of internal? How my kids dress, how they look, how they act, what they know – is this more important to me than what’s in their hearts?
Do they hear “What the church says is more important than what Jesus says.” Do we require them to toe the line and bow to the standards of a church because it’s more important to look good on the outside than to be clean on the inside?
Or do I firstly concern myself with what is inside? Do they have anger, frustration, confusion, fear or heartache inside?
If the message my children hear is focused on their outward performance and appearance, we’ve missed it, mamas and daddies. They will grow up frustrated and dissatisfied. They will have a difficult time finding purpose in life and security in who they are as individuals.
Don’t do this moms and dads.
Put their hearts first.
Does it really matter if your daughter goes to church in a mismatched outfit because she was delighted to choose her own style today?
Does it really matter if your son is 2 grades behind in school because he has a difficult time learning?
Does it matter if your toddler refuses to wear a brand new jacket because she prefers the old one that is stained and has a hole in it?
If it’s not a moral issue, then let it go. Simply let it go!
The message we want our kids to grow up hearing is: “What’s inside is more important. A kind heart, a spirit at rest, confidence in who I am as a person.” This is what matters.
Be sure that the message they hear is one you want them to emulate.
“He has told us what is important and what He requires of us: to do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God.”
Micah 6:8