Luke 19:1-10 recounts the story of Zacchaeus meeting Jesus for the first -and probably last- time. After reading this account a few days ago during our Bible time, we end the story by answering 2 questions:
“What do we learn about Jesus/God through this story?”
“What do we learn about humanity in general through this story?”
The kids’ insights are always fascinating to me; they come up with the most intriguing truths sometimes.
Today it was: “It doesn’t matter very much to God who you are or where you come from. God judges you by what your heart is. And people in general are the opposite. People look at what you do and where you come from, then they judge you.”
We don’t know much about Zacchaeus, other than that he was a Jew who, in the eyes of his fellow countrymen, had turned traitor. Zacchaeus collaborated with the current occupation, the Romans, by collecting taxes for them. Tax collectors were often extraordinarily wealthy and much despised by both Roman and Jew alike.
It was to this man that Jesus extended grace and kindness. “Zacchaeus! Go prepare a meal, I want to have dinner in your home tonight!”
An incredulous and overjoyed Zacchaeus hurries to do Jesus’ bidding.
The crowd surrounding Jesus was indignant. “Jesus, that man is a traitor! He’s a cheat, a liar and not worthy of your kindness!”
I imagine Zacchaeus has a few hours to get his house and dinner preparations in order. As he rushes around, barking orders to servants, he thinks deeply. When Jesus arrives, Zacchaeus immediately spouts out: “Look, Lord, I’m giving half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone unjustly, I will restore it fourfold.”
Jesus responds with a smile in his voice: “Today, salvation has come to this house, because you also are a true son of Abraham, Zacchaeus.”
This is the highest compliment one could give a Jew. And Jesus spoke it to a traitor Jew, no less.
Zacchaeus only needed someone to call out the kindness within him. He needed someone who could see past his current reputation; someone who would not judge by the obvious outward appearance and actions.
What does this have to do with parenting out of shame?
Hang with me for just a moment longer.
As I guide and parent the 5 young humans in my home, I come to understand that things are not always as they seem. Especially as the kids get older, I find that I cannot attach personal feelings of shame to their actions. They are becoming more independent and I must grant them space to find their own way. Most notably, I refuse to let them feel shame from me.
If you drive by my house right now, without too much effort you would probably see the outlines of spray paint graffiti ‘BLM’ in 4-foot-tall letters on the road-facing wall of the house. I have a child who tends to act on any random thought that enters her mind, and it happened to be this a few days ago. Oh, and the graffiti was first practiced on the cupboard walls in my pantry.
I am incredulous. (Sort of. I’ve learned to be surprised at nothing by this child) “What in the world induced you to do that? To deface someone else’s property in any way, shape or form is simply unacceptable and we don’t do that!” It is a good opportunity to also explain what ‘BLM’ is and why we don’t take sides in any such controversy.
Impulsive young human is given a wire brush and stands out back scrubbing away at the bricks for the next 2 hours.
Yesterday, a farmer up the road pulls in the driveway in a state of high agitation. “Your son has been in my barn this week after I’d strictly forbade him to enter the barns. There’s stuff moved around and I don’t like it at all. Make sure it stops!”
I am tempted to feel mortified, embarrassed and ashamed. We were unaware of these actions on the part of our son, due to his dishonesty.
Again, I refuse to let shame shadow the upcoming confrontation with my son. I am learning to administer correction without my feelings being involved. Am I embarrassed? Momentarily, of course. But the actions of my children do not necessarily reflect on my ability or inability to parent.
Just like the general populace judged Zacchaeus according to his actions, it was Jesus who extended grace and kindness.
Consider the people in your life; the strangers you brush against every day, the people you may only ever see for 10 minutes, the frazzled parent at Wal-Mart, a frustrated customer. Do as Jesus did to Zacchaeus: extend grace and kindness. Breathe life to that buried hurting heart.
We will see a much kinder world. Instead of making a quick assumption about someone or something, ask yourself the question: “How is this person wounded and how can I extend kindness?”
Let us be the change we wish to see in this great big world of ours.
Disclaimer: I do not support acts of violence or ungodliness in any shape or form. This is about avoiding the urge to quickly slap labels on people due to their actions. (And, don’t label parents for the choices their kids make. =)) Look a little deeper and seek to understand a kind heart that just might be buried by a world of hurt and anger. Like Zacchaeus and Jesus.