As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. It is evil to make mindless offerings to God. Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.
Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool.
Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead.
Ecclesiastes 5:1-3, 7
We read these wise words of King Solomon this morning for Bible Time. (I thought it would be a good thing for the kids to hear “how to avoid becoming a fool”.) Figures, the lesson is more for me, than them.
Fact: I talk too much.
I am a verbal processor. Verbal processors speak to clarity thoughts. Non-verbal processors think before they speak.
This can become a problem in parenting, as indeed it has for me.
When there is an infraction of boundaries, I overwhelm the wrongdoer with a wave of verbal vomit: ‘Why what you did was wrong, how it was wrong, remember the boundaries we set in place? And this is the consequence now meted out because of what you did that was wrong, and why did you do it anyway?’
Yup. That’s a lot, isn’t it? My poor, long-suffering children.
One of my wise sisters recently pointed out that “You’re a verbal processor and it’s important for you to be able to process something verbally. Just don’t do it in front of the person involved.”
In this, I also recognize that I quickly make a mountain out of a mole hill. Especially again, surrounding parenting. As I’m verbally processing, words accumulate, the issue gets bigger, more grievous and life-changing. By the time steam has blown off, my spirit is agitated and the wrongdoer is now angry and sullenly uncooperative.
Another pitfall I notice is: the more words spoken, the greater chance of wounding my child’s heart. I say things flippantly like “I’m so frustrated with you right now! I wish you’d just behave!” Or, “Why is it always you that causes problems?”
What gives? It’s a lose-lose. The opportunity to problem-solve is past and the wrongdoer is now belligerent.
Enter King Solomon’s words:
When words are many, sin is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
May I learn this lesson well, ushering change in how I parent.
May I endeavor to walk in the Spirit, speaking words that bring life and healing to the hearts of my children.
They deserve no less.
Everyone we meet deserves no less. Each is a masterpiece, fashioned by the Father’s own hand.
If a man is able to control his tongue, the same is a perfect man.
James 3:2
A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life.
Proverbs 15:4 AMP
But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit.