Ten years ago, I embarked on a quest to become the best version of myself. (This quest remains ongoing. =)) I devoured books and took to practicing the things I learned. I am going to share one of the most helpful articles I came across. It has changed how I interact with people. Perhaps you will gain a truth nugget that you can put to practice!
11 Secrets of Irresistible People
Forbes, by Travis Bradberry
Some people, regardless of what they lack – money, looks, social connections – always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities. These people are the life of every party. They are the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship. You just can’t get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, “What do they have that I don’t? What makes them so irresistible?”
The difference?
Their sense of self-worth comes from within.
Irresistible people aren’t constantly searching for validation because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective. Since being irresistible isn’t the result of dumb luck, it’s time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.
11. They treat everyone with respect
Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailing polite and respectful. They understand that – no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with – it is all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else.
Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe that they are no better than anyone else.
10. They follow the Platinum Rule
The Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated – has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.
The Platinum Rule – treat others as they want to be treated – corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.
9. They ditch the small talk
There is no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every-day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life.
8. They focus on people more than anything else
Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They do not obsess over how well they are liked because they are too busy focusing on the people around them. It is what makes their irresistibility seem effortless.
To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people around you. Focus on what they are saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.
7. They don’t try too hard
Irresistible people do not dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’s not that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.
6. They recognize the difference between fact and opinion
Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’t shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that it is an opinion, not fact. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are, see things differently.
5. They are authentic
Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake. People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It is easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.
4. They have integrity
People with integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through. They avoid talking bad about other people. They do the right thing, even when it hurts.
3. They smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will automatically return the favor and feel good as a result.
2. They make an effort to look their best (just not too much of an effort)
There is a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort be presentable is a sign of respect to others. And, once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.
1. They find reasons to love life
Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They are never bored, because they view life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that others want to be a part of.
It is not that irresistible people don’t have problems -even big ones- but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just another day, and they maintain hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.
In conclusion:
Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.
They think about other people more than they think about themselves.
They make others feel valued, respected, understood, and seen.
Remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be.
If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.
Booker T. Washington